...Because always actually means something to me...

To an extent, I've obtained a certain level of understanding
I've obtained a level of..idk how to put it..
The things that were once un-real to me and so difficult to comprehend now make at least a little more sense..

But one thing that will never make any sense at all to me is this:what happened to always?

I could've sworn that always meant always..which is an synonym for forever..

So why is it that you have hauled ass now..I'm pretty sure you said always, forever, or something along those lines quite a few times..

I suppose that's why this actually hurts so much..in the end it has nothing to do with the why or anything like that..all of those broken promises..all of those lies..that's what is killing me more than anything else..
Having faith in you..trusting you..believing everything you said..
That was obviously a horrible idea on my part..
But, according to literally EVERYBODY, you were a horrible idea..

Unlike you, I unfortunately meant it all of those times that I said always..So now I'm stuck..
When I said I'd always love you, no matter what, I meant it..and when you said the same I expected the same from you..
This is part of why losing you hurts as much as it does..
Because always actually means something to me..
Just like YOU will ALWAYS mean something to me..

And this pain is precisely why I don't make promises I know I can't keep or don't intend to keep..
I know how annoying it can be and, in some situations, how painful that broken promise can be..

But the promises that I do make can and will be kept..especially now..
I've twice been hurt by the broken promise of 'always'..never again..
And I now have an even greater desire to keep the promises that I have made and will make..

I'll make sure that if I ever do say 'always' to someone again that I will mean it and will keep that promise..but this time, I'll be slightly more wary if they choose to say the same..
It's not fair to them..but after all this time of caring what's fair to others and not myself I think it's time I stopped giving a rats ass..

I did, do and always will love you..because I promised you I would..
You may have broken the promises you made to be, but I won't break the ones I made to you, or anybody..ever..

That, is a promise..

,Wabashii Ookami
Mazzus Keesaji