"The Letter"

This is an excerpt from Bloody Rose Pt. II the final 'chapter' : Something....Dead
This is Zen's letter to Kara that he sends along with The Rose..


Kara,

I don't know where to begin. I'm writing this to you, because I couldn't bare to tell you this in person on even on the phone. I knew that if I heard your voice or saw you I would fall apart.

I need you to know something Kara. I need you to know that, even after what happened between us. I do still love you with every bit of my heart. I suppose that's why I have to do this. When you left, you took my heart with you. I was, and still am, completely torn apart by what you did. What little of me that was left over after you completely tore me apart, is hurting so much now. But I still love you. And I still miss you and what we had together. I also need you to know that this isn't your fault. This isn't because of what you did. This is because of me and what I did. I should've known better than to let you in as much as I did. I should've known that this was all too good to be true. I should've known that it wasn't going to last. But I didn't know. And now that I do know, it's too late. I gave you my heart. And ,now, I am letting you keep it...for good...

What you and I had was so incredible. Nothing can or will replace that. I loved being with you. And I still do love you. So very much. And I just can't imagine how things will be without you beside me now. I don't want to have to live that life. My life, without you, is empty. Completely and utterly empty. I have nothing without you. My happiness was completely because of you. I need you in my life. Otherwise I have nothing. And you made it quite obvious that you aren't coming back when you left me that night. So, think of this is my decision to do the same. I am leaving. But, unlike you, I'm not moving to a different state. I am...I'm moving to another lifetime...My world, without you, is in-complete. It's empty and pointless. Having you in my life was the one thing that kept me going these past few years. Losing you is like losing my heart and soul. I'm just a lifeless, purposeless vessel.

What you did to me. It hurt like hell. I didn't think that I would ever be able to forgive you for that. But, I know now, that I can and do forgive you. So don't think that this has anything to do with anger or hatred towards you, because there is none. I love you with every fiber of my being. I always have and always will. And that is partly why I must do this. I have nothing left now. There is nothing left of me. I gave it all to you. And, honestly, I don't want it back unless you come with it. I don't want to live without you in my life. I can't do that. I have no clue how I made it through life before you, but I feel that I cannot survive now without you. Having had you in my life, and having been with you, I know now what true happiness is and I know that nothing can give me that other than having you back in my life and having you back here beside me.

I was thinking of something to send you, that would help you to remember me. It took me a lot of time to think of something. But I finally decided on something...A Rose...But, I think you will find something very special about this Rose. It's not some ordinary rose. It's what I decided to call a "Bleeding Heart" Rose. It's a white rose. Or it used to be. As you can see now, it is no longer white, but it is now red. That is because the Rose got covered in my blood. On accident of course. At first I wasn't going to send this rose to you. But then I thought about the symbolism and I thought you might like it. Do you know what white roses symbolize? They are the symbol for innocence and purity. I found it interesting that it was my pain that cause the purity of that rose to be covered in blood. It's kinda like how my love for you, and our amazing relationship was destroyed because of the pain I am now in.

I love you. I always will. No matter what happens. But I cannot live without you here beside me. I can't. It hurts too much. Living without you is like living with a dagger in my heart. I can't do it. I just can't. I need you in my life. I'm sorry that these are going to be my last words to you. But I needed to tell you directly so that you knew it wasn't your fault. It's mine. I love you Kara. I always will. But now, i have lost all faith in love. I can't and won't love anyone else as much as I did, and still do, love you. And that is why I must do this.
,Zen



,Mottekuru za Kaosu
Mazzus Keesaji