A re-post of sorts...What if it all we're a lie? I have the answer..

What would you do if everything was a lie? If everything you knew was just a lie. If everyone that you thought cared about you were actually lieng to you. If the memories, good and bad, were all just lies. If the love you thought you shared was just a lie..
What if everything was a lie?

Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

Crawling-Linkin Park..I think we know which part of the story that is referring to..

I suppose it's good that atleast this time I got a chance to fight in the war..But I still got my ass handed to me..I've now quite literally got the scars to prove it..And what makes it even worse..I keep wondering, 'what if'..Those 2 damn words put me through so much fkn hell. I can't stand it..but I guess that's what happenes when your fucking retarded like I am..

Only an idiot like me..Only an idiot like me..

It never really stuck until last night..I didn't really want to believe it I guess..but I think I 'knew' that it was going to end soon and that this would happen. Everything would start to come together and I'd finally be happy..And then it would fall to pieces..Like always..last night made my nightmare become reality..And I hate it..

I don't wanna live, to waste another day
Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made
Cause I feel I'm breakig inside
I don't wanna fall and say I lost it all
Cause baby there's a part of me that hit the wall
Leaving pieces of me behind
And I feel like I'm breaking inside

Breaking Inside-Shinedown
Very much fitting for what is going on right now..

Holy fucking shit..This could have so easily been avoided..The signs were there..They were so apparent..That dream..Him coming back..Her having the 'courtesy' to atleast kick me to the curb first..That should've sent like a gigantic warning flare up..You know,it probably did..But I was too blinded to notice it..

This is why me and happiness don't mix well..I get retarded when I'm happy..I'm too shocked with the fact that I'm happy to realize the obvious things..I'm too engulfed in making sure the happiness lasts to realize that it's not going to last anyways..

Again I say..Only an idiot like me..

But know that I'd sacrifice everything if it would give you happiness.
..Even my own happiness

So here it is
The answer to the question
What if it all were a lie..

It all falls apart..
It falls to pieces..
And then..
Nothing..

You WANT to feel this extreme hatred and feeling of absolute resentment..
But..
you can't..
Because..
You still love them
With every ounce of your heart and soul..
You still love them..
And want..and wish..and hope..and dream..

But it's too much..
If everybody didn't fight it before
They definitely would now
NOBODY would want this to potentially happen again..
Even if it changed..
If we changed..
It wouldn't matter..
It would be too risky..
But..
I can't help but wonder if the reward would be worth the risk..
..I guess what I mean by that is..
Even after this..after everything..
I still don't want it to end..
And I never will..
But..I guess it has to..

So..just as you have the one you'll always love..
So,now,do I..

Just like the crow chasing the butterfly
And your eyes lost in the summer sky
When you and I were gettin high, as outer space
I never thought you would slip away
I guess I was just alittle too late

Shinedown once again sums it all up..The Crow & The Butterfly. My favorite song off the new cd.

And so it ends..
It may have been a lie..
But that doesn't change that it was the happiest I've ever been in my life..
And for that I will always thank you..
I guess sometimes lies can be good afterall..
Just not too many..or too much..

I once was a fool walking alone
Heartbroken and abandoned, I was on my own
One day an angel came to visit me
And said "I know what will set you free"
And he gave me his wings..So I could fly
So I could fly with the Angels, in the sky
I was overjoyed, far beyond speechless
I didn't understand how anyone could care like this
But now I see it was just a trick
He knew my wit wasnot too quick
He knew I was alone, and needed a friend
And knew a fool like me would go to no end
To find someone who loved and cared
To find someone who wouldn't have stopped and stared
At the awkward sight of the Wolf with wings
But would marvel at the other things
What I had to offer, a heart of gold
But what I didn't know, the sky is cold
No one cares for you up there
Flying with angels, up in the air
You're on your own, no help in sight
Love is a battleground, and it's a tough fight..
To have loved and lost someone like this..
My wings have been clipped..I am now flightless..

,Hishouresu Tenshi
Mazzus Keesaji

And..in the end..we will just fade..to nothing..

Call me a sinner,call me a saint
Tell me it's over. I'll still love you the same
Call me your favorite,call me the words
Tell me it's over, I don't want you to hurt
It's all that I can say
So I'll be on my way

I'll always keep you inside
You healed my heart and my life
And you know I tried..

There's a reason I wanted you to listen to that song a month or so ago..Now you get it..