What if it all were a lie?

What would you do if everything was a lie? If everything you knew was just a lie. If everyone that you thought cared about you were actually lieng to you. If the memories, good and bad, were all just lies. What if everything was a lie?

Losing a war you never actually got to fight...Now THAT sucks...
That's what I'm dealing with right now...losing a war that I never got to fight...getting my ass kicked out of the country before my first troop set fet on the ground...And what makes it even worse...I keep wondering, 'what if'...Those 2 damn words put me through so much fkn hell. I can't stand it...but I guess that's what happenes when your fucking retarded like I am...

Only an idiot like me...Only an idiot like me...

It never really stuck until tonight...I didn't really want to believe it I guess...I guess I 'knew' that it was going to end soon and then things would be great. Everything would start to come together and I'd finally be happy...but tonight has made that dream seem even less likely...And I hate it...

Cause when you are with me
I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others, We'll fly
This brings tears
To my eyes
My Sacrafice

Creed was one of my first favorite bands. Of course, this was back in those days when I was a good Christian boy and knew the Bible inside and out and loved going to church and wanted to be just like my daddy...Needless to say, I've gone off of that path...Wayyyyyy off that path...

I suppose this was my sacrafice...this move was my sacrafice...My chance at being happy again sacraficed for anothers happiness...To this very second I wish I cared more about myself...But no...
Don't get me wrong. In all honesty, I'm happy for you...BUT...

But know that I'd sacrifice everything if it would give you happiness. Even my own happiness

I love the shine in your eyes
If, only just for any moment
Girl Id be satisfied
If I could only, touch your cheek
Baby that's all I need
To make my life complete
Cause girl I could make you smile
If you knew that I was here
Wishing I could just be your tear

Tim Mcgraw. Definitely one of the most amazing musicians ever. And such a great song

Just like the crow chasing the butterfly
And your eyes lost in the summer sky
When you and I were gettin high, as outer space
I never thought you would slip away
I guess I was just alittle too late

Shinedown once again sums it all up...The Crow & The Butterfly. My favorite song off the new cd.

I suppose all that's left to say is that I'm fkn retarded(we all knew that already) and I'm starting to question whether I should've left or not...
It's been hell since I left...And it looks to get worse...
well...today will be wonderful because I'll get to see CHELSEA!!!!!
But after that things will undoubtedly go down hill, thus sending me into another suicidal panic and then we'll just end up back where we were last week. Except I don't think I'll have a phone this time. My phone is being gay now...and if that happens...you're all kind shit out of luck...and I'm pretty much already dead except for the actual being dead part...

,Ataenushi no Aka Ro-Zu
Mazzus Keesaji

for in the end, it comes down to one simple thing. How much are you willing to suffer to achieve your goal. Are you willing to die for what you believe in and what you desire more than anything in the world? If you are, then you may already have what you seek. You may already have happiness...You just have to realize it for yourself...

It's not a love story. It's the dark story of what happens when an idiot falls in love. The sad story of what happens when you forget that the person you love is just as human as you are...It's a beautified auto-biography...Fictional Fact

And...in the end...we will just fade to nothing...